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This Week's Featured Speak Out - Terence's Story

Terence's Story

*TW ( mention of s**cide)"18 months ago I was an all time low, my marriage fell apart, I had no where I could go, I felt I lost everything my identity, my wife, my home, my kids, my motivation was absolute zero, I was actually considering ending my life, I had the place thought out the time everything, I was that low I’d rather end my life because I believed I was a disgrace to my family, my friends but most of all my 2 little girls. I worked up this idea in my head they would be better if I wasn’t around anymore but the truth is it wasn’t just 18 months ago where I hit my lowest point it was a few years before. I just kept treading water hoping someone would come and pull me out of it, and turn my life around for me, but here’s a hard hitting truth like it or not, nobody is going to do it for you, people will tell you to think positive, exercise, meditate, write thoughts down, and what a load of sh***, telling someone who is one the brink of suicide to think positively, who thought of that idea, it’s like telling a new born baby to stop crying when it’s hungry, it’s not going to work, it takes time to work believe me on that one. The other thing is when the older generation says “just man up”, just man up,  man up never have I heard such sh***, the real time I was struggling with mental illness was for about 5 long years, my weight shot up, my mood went lower and lower, and I’ll admit I was an absolute **** to be around for most people, but in public I tried hiding my depression and anxiety behind making jokes, being a clown, watching porn, gambling, all that, the only thing I didn’t do was drugs, I looked to the outside world that I had it all together but inside I was dead and rotting from my core out, I came from nothing and I was destined to be nothing, injuries brought an early end to my dream, I was working dead end jobs pay check to pay check what was the point, now after rambling on a bit there back to the main point, when you are at your absolute lowest point, please believe me, because I’ve been there, I’ve been to the darkest pit slap bang at the bottom, and I’ve managed to pull myself up, not all the way yet, because like it or not it’s not a overnight fix, it’s going to take years, but no one is going to motivate you, you’ve got to motivate yourself and find someone or something to motivate yourself for, now you may look and read this and think same old sh***, but believe me, put down thephone for a hour and think to yourself, where do you see yourself in 10 years, I got asked that very question other day and guess what, I didn’t have a answer how could I? Because I realised something, I was scared of entering something new, and why because I’m so used to being a failure, but what makes me a failure, not my upbringing, not my past, me own thoughts when I’m sat there doing all, creating sh*** in my head, so I’ll repeat it and I hope you do to, 


My new story is far from over I hope you join my along for the ride,

And if you’re suffering with anything mental illness or not message me, I’ll honestly take the time to talk to anyone and try help them on  a path."

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