Hoss shares their journey with OCD
Story from Hoss at the Struggling Warrior.
"Unveiling the Obsessions
Right from the start of college, OCD hit me with a load of weird thoughts I couldn't shake. Picture this: walking on crowded paths, haunted by thoughts of accidentally tripping someone
and imagining the worst outcomes. The Harm OCD messed with my head, making me worry all the time that I might hurt someone without meaning to. It wasn't just about me – I got obsessed
with other people's safety, scared I might cause them harm.
This worry followed me into my classes, especially in science labs. I'd freak out, thinking I might mess up handling dangerous stuff and cause a big accident. And then there was Scrupulosity, always making me feel like I was walking on thin ice. Before a big exam, I'd end up praying a
ton, thinking I needed forgiveness for even the smallest mistake.
All this anxiety about breaking rules messed with my choices and made me question if I was a good person. I'd spend way too much time digging into religious texts, trying to make sure I wasn't messing up big time. And on top of all that, the fear of shouting out rude stuff uncontrollably was always there, especially during lectures. I'd be clenching my fists, trying not to blurt out offensive words and causing a scene. It was a messed-up battle in my mind, something no one else could see but it messed with my everyday life big time.
The Impact on College Life
College was supposed to be a cool time of figuring things out, but OCD had different plans. Its grip turned my academic life into a constant struggle. I faced big challenges with my studies, messing up my grades and making things harder than they should've been. OCD became this big roadblock academically. I couldn't concentrate during lectures and
assignments because my mind was all over the place with weird thoughts. The stress about being perfect froze me, making it super hard to finish tasks on time.
Because of OCD, I struggled to keep up with my coursework and keep my grades up. I had to redo some classes and even a whole semester. Every time I messed up, it just made my anxiety and self-doubt worse, like a never-ending cycle. It also messed with me showing up to class. I was scared people would judge me because of my weird thoughts, so I skipped a lot of classes to avoid any triggers. It made everything harder.
Seeking Help and Support
Realizing I had OCD was a big deal, but admitting it was even harder. I felt embarrassed and thought people would see me as weak or broken. But dealing with it on my own wasn't working,
so I decided I needed help. With a mix of bravery and being honest with myself, I found a therapist who knew about OCD.
That turned things around for me. In our sessions, I learned I wasn't the only one dealing with this stuff. Getting help wasn't me being weak; it was actually a strong move. My therapist helped me understand my weird thoughts and gave me practical ways to handle them.
Coping Mechanisms and Progress
Getting better wasn't a smooth ride, but with my therapist's help, I started figuring out how to deal with my OCD symptoms. Simple things like focusing on my footsteps during walks helped me stay in the moment and not get caught up in weird thoughts.
A Break from College - Taking a Medical Leave
Even though therapy was helping, OCD's weight got too heavy. I had to take a break from college to sort things out. The stress from school and the constant weird thoughts drained me emotionally. It was a hard call to make, but I knew it was the right one for my well-being and
future. During my time off, I focused on therapy and taking care of myself. It became a time of discovering who I really am and healing. It wasn't a quick fix, but I knew I needed this time to get
better.
Conclusion
My college years didn't go as planned, thanks to OCD leaving its mark. I had to redo classes and take a break, but strangely, it turned into a journey of figuring out who I am and building
resilience. Sharing my story now, I hope it reaches others battling their inner struggles. Asking for help isn't being weak; it's the first step to getting your life back from OCD's grip. Moving forward from college, I carry the lessons learned, knowing I've got the strength to face whatever comes my way.
I'm not defined by my OCD anymore. I'm fueled by my strength and determination to live a fulfilling life."
