This Week's Speak Out - Kate's Story

Thank you @anxiouskreations for sharing your story:

“I grew up the daughter of addicts who used heavy drugs and alcohol to self medicate their own mental illness. Growing up I thought if I didn't use drugs, I would be normal and everything would be okay. Problem was, I didn't know what normal was, so I just guessed.

I got a job, went to school, met a boy, got married, graduated, but something still seemed off. I was checking off all the boxes but everything wasn't falling into place like I thought it would. My mind was still racing 24/7, my self hate ran pretty deep, I wasn't sleeping, I was using weed to cope on a daily basis even after the paranoia kicked into overdrive. I was also overreacting and easily overwhelmed with mundane daily activities.

The only people that I allowed to see me like this was my husband and sister, to everyone else, I was an energetic, happy, carefree individual. I had created a facade of positivity to the outside world.

Then quarantine hit and I was forced to spend a lot more time with myself and my own thoughts without the extra need for a performance. Queue the daily anxiety attacks, constant arguing with my husband, and a bleak outlook on life and society. I was finally at the end of my rope.

I signed up for counseling through the betterhelp app and learned that my anxiety stems mostly from my abusive and dismissive father, I have terrible self worth, and severe codependency traits that were causing most of my marital problems. It's been about 6 weeks of sessions and 3 weeks of medication and I honestly never thought I would be where I am today. I am actually starting to love myself. I am starting to laugh again. I have been dreaming again. I admit, my anxiety is not cured - but this is the first time in my life I have been actively trying to live in the present. It's the first time in my life where I've had moments of peace.

I've been sharing on Instagram to try to help people realize that our pain and struggles are what make us human and unique. I no longer carry the shame of my anxiety or try to hide my mental illness with a facade of normalcy that simply does not exist.”